I have been married for over 3 years now and I have had my share of marriage experiences. Most of it is fun, and very eye opening. I have read many books on relationships and marriage and this I have to say, they don’t really, really prepare you for the physical impact of married life. They try, but reading is different from experiencing especially when it comes to the difference between men and women, the books prepare you mentally which is good but not physically. Summary, men are very different from women period and the sooner you swallow this, the better for us all. The prayer is to constantly be aware of this truth which is not easy to achieve, that I know.
Why all this? Let me cut to the chase. Now I know why some men leave their, to die for looking wives and sleep around. How did I arrive at this knowledge?
Let me start from my early days. Thank God I am not a cat; I would have been dead long time ago. I mean, it is only the curios cat that gets dead right? Phew, that’s why I am still alive. My level of curiosity is high, very high. I label myself the mobile questionnaire. Ask those I have grilled, they will tell you. More than that, I do a lot of internal questioning too, pondering over various issues and all. One of it had always been why do some men cheat on their wives? These wives I am talking about are knock outs, head turners, beautiful, fully and roundly endowed just to mention a few and you would think, no this man has no reason whatsoever to be unsatisfied with what he has and yet??? This has always puzzled me and I devoted so much time ruminating over it then. Alas, now I know having been married for upwards of 3 years now with two lovely kids. How do I know I am sure you want to know too, thank God you are not a cat… I thank God I have never thought of cheating on my wife before and I trust that God will continue to uphold my desire not to.
Here is how I know. Men are very different from women. Nobody likes stress, more the men, especially when it comes to SEX!!! Yes, SEX, the untalkable. Our wiring is way different when it comes to every aspect but it is magnified in the area of sex. Husbands are easily aroused, very easily so wives are not and for wives, depending, it may take more time for them to get aroused as the marriage progresses. Sex within marriage is very different from sex outside of marriage. Outside of marriage, it is very sweet and enjoyable because;
1. It is stolen pleasure
2. There are no commitments
3. It is very selfish
4. You can easily work around distractions
5. You don’t talk about it you just do it etc
But in marriage, in the beginning it is sweet and enjoyable but with time, it may sour out because;
1. Now there is freedom
2. Talking is involved but not done properly
3. Distractions set in and are not handled creatively
4. Expectations gets dashed because they are usually unsaid
5. The eyes are now open etc
Long and short, premarital sex eventually affects the marriage if care is not taken. That is why in some climes, some prefer not to get married and prefer to co-habit. It is the wrongest arrangement as the couples live a lie in refusing to take responsibility for their actions.
Premarital sex is evil and I hope young people are taking note of this. Only God with your cooperation can save you from a broken marriage if you’ve been heavily involved in premarital sexcapades. Marriage is work, sex in marriage is work. A lot of men shy away from such work; they had the wrongest of expectations based on experience. They feel marriage now means sex 24/7/365 at per second billing or more realistically, on ready on demand basis. Wow! Are you so wrong! Wake up man that is not the case. For you to get beautiful sex from your wife, you must communicate with your wife, listen to her, hear her, show her that you heard her and your marriage will be beautiful all wise, and sex wise too. A wise man once told me that if I desire to be the best husband, I should listen to my wife. I should let my wife teach me. I will never forget such advice, as it came from someone whose marriage I have always admired, my father – he is great man.
I realize a lot of men can’t spare the time to please their wives, and if wifey is not pleased, wifey cannot be in the mood so to avoid this, man goes outside. Our wives are neither whores nor our mistresses, no they are not. You don’t expect them to open their legs at the sound of your zippers. Hear this;
1. Wives are motivated differently from whores/mistresses
2. Wives love you, whores/mistresses don’t care about you, they just pretend to. They only care about what you have.
3. Wives are not seeing other men, whores/mistresses are seeing plenty other men
4. Wives keep the house, the children and you. Whores/mistresses keep only themselves.
5. Wives protect you; whores/mistresses steal from you and even steal you.
The list is long, you can add to it. The reason why some men cheat on their beautiful wives is because these men are;
1. Selfish
2. Lazy and
3. Impatient
Jesus commands us to love our wives as he loves the church. Love is sacrifice; love is from man to woman. It is what you pour in that you get back. It is what you sow that you reap. You may say, why men? Why not? We are expected to take responsibility. Let us break the hold of Adam over us, he was there when Eve was being tempted yet he did nothing, after the shit hit the fan he points at the woman. The story is familiar right? Ask the man; with the bombshell of a wife you have, you are still looking out, why? They point at the woman. If the land is not properly cultivated and taken care of, we won’t always have food on our tables. Take time to cultivate your wife so you can enjoy the many fruits she has to offer.
This write-up is for you young men out there awaiting result (yes or no), about to wed or newly wedded. Be the man God wants you to be, love your wife and don’t even dream of cheating on her. I want to salute those that have never cheated on their wives, heaven will reward you. Encourage others by speaking out. Change lives by sharing your story. Someone needs to hear your story and be strengthened by it. Speak and be heard. Bless those you are meant to bless. Just do it…
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